THE COOLER

I don't know how to fold say the wannabe pros ~ at least that's what I'm told, but who really knows? I limp and call huge pushes that will mess up your day ~ I just shrug my shoulders when the river spikes my eight trey. You may not like it, but at least I'm not nitty ~ leave that to the newbies and rich old bittys. My "losing" play felts you often and that makes you sick ~ Please don't stop berating me, my skull's not even numb cuz my skin's really thick. I'm like Jason on Friday the 13th, just deal with it and play ~ I'm always at your table, you can run but you can't get away. Your play is over my head and you're a hot-shot bluffin' fooler ~ but at this table you can't beat me, DYKWTFIA? That's right, I'm the cooler.

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POKER PIMP

Under the gun with red ducks lookin all sex ~ my pimp hand has chips and raises three x... Enough already, a family pot with eight callers ~ gettin no respect i cross my legs and pop my collar... Lots of paint on the Flop, it's not looking real good ~ but I'm cool, show grill and bet. Yeah I'm all hood... I spill my drank as the Turn brings a two for a set ~ I check-raise and with my cane slide in my chips all wet... Spittin jheri curl rhymes but gettin no love ~ takin off my shades, starin him down, callin his shove... River comes the case deuce now this pot's all mine ~ when you're the Poker Pimp, ho ho ho, every day is Christmastime!

2+2 POKERCAST

In the poker radio world the G.O.A.T. is pretty easy to tell ~ but unlike LL these two really Rock The Bells.

Hee-haw raise reraise all-in donkey shove ~ I'm a butcher, but when the double-wide is rockin my wife screams they’re a cut above. <--- TOO SICK!

The accent talkin loons from the north are who I’m rhymin aboot it’s true ~ not even name dropping cuz y’already know who.

They don’t try to act cool or talk much jive, nor have to cuss it ~ at the tables they just send ya back home felted, broke and disgusted.

You might think my words are a load of cow bull, but I’m not just chewin hay ~ the two hosers from the ‘Couv faithfully got my BLUFF vote, eh.

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MONKEY LOVE CALL

Monkey love call like Hellmuth love nines ~ donks fill the table plus chumps sans spines.

I'm in cahoots with the dealer for an easy theft ~ wicked are his chops from the right hand or left.

Smellin like Chaps cologne yeah cheap like Schlitz ~ just shut your pie hole capt'n and ship me the chips.

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MIC CHECK

Microphone check one-two-three test ~ before the deal starts gotta get somethin off my chest. This thing i hold ain't a person named mike, c'mon four letters with an e? ~ it may be alive and have a personality, but it's spelled m-i-c. Steppin out of the jon just saw some junk eww ~ hands are spring clean coincidently takin seat number two. <--- MAD FLOW! Surrounded by monkeys as the dealer throws first ace ~ rhyme about poker you found the place.